Election Week 2020

  

On election night I took an edible, had sex with my husband (sorry kids), and was in bed by 10 pm in an effort to avoid the election stress. This should demonstrate without any doubt, the depths I reached in order to keep the television off in our household on Nov 3rd. The day after the election I was glued to the TV with sweaty palms and a racing heart. Days two and three after the election, I regained control with some focused meditation and successfully distracted myself with mindless tasks (no more fornication, much to Blake’s dismay). The political scientists were correct, the vote count took a while (isn’t science amazing?) And it should have, thank goodness for every person who voted by mail or absentee to reduce the spread of the virus. We are all grateful for the respect you showed others, and the extra care you took to protect yourself. BRAVO. I have the utmost respect for those devoted election officials, I can only imagine the pressure they felt to reveal a legitimate result in a timely fashion while their integrity was constantly being questioned and their counties sued.

 

Saturday morning, I woke up at 3:30 am, not because of election anxiety but a hormonal malfunction. I proceeded to make the unrecoverable error of drinking a level-8 caffeinated Nespresso around 10 am which sent me into a Tasmanian devil like manic frenzy. Later, I couldn’t sit still and went out to walk the dogs. As I trudged along the roads with my head hung low, canines dangling from leashes as they trotted down the damp streets, I heard car horns honking in the distance. These were short happy honks, not a long, angry NY taxi honk. My head shot up when I saw a mountain biker riding his bike down the road yelling “Whoopee!” at the top of his lungs with a huge smile on his face. My heart started racing, this must signify a result, but which one? This is Utah after all. I quickly texted my friends and family to find out what happened. At the first confirmation of a Biden projected win, tears filled my eyes and I took several deep breaths. My shoulders, which have been permanently lifted up to my ears for almost four years, slowly began to sink back down to their pre-Trump levels. I felt joy, relief, and finally, a sense of calm as I mouthed thank you over and over again to all the voters that persevered through a pandemic to make their voices heard. I wanted to run and jump in the streets and hug my friends. My heart swelled as I watched people all over the country fill the city streets with the same elation that I felt, I read tweets and texts from other world leaders congratulating Biden/Harris and their eagerness to work with the new administration. I later watched the first female Vice President make a beautiful speech, and the stage filled with men, women, and children of different races and backgrounds come together to celebrate their victory. I felt so lucky to be witnessing this historic moment. I collapsed into bed at 9 pm, completely spent from so many emotions. All was right, or at least slightly better in the world again.  

 

At least for me.

 

And maybe slightly more than half of my compatriots. I can remember how I felt four years ago….and it wasn’t pretty, so I can relate to the other half of the country and what they might be going through.

 

In 2016, I sat noisily sobbing, by myself, gaping at the television in the worn leather armchair of a rented condo while our house was being remodeled. Tears streamed down my face, and snot fell out of my nose as I watched Hilary concede. She was not conceding to another experienced, proven politician that I could perhaps tolerate, but a bully of a “business” man, with the bottom feeder character of a reality TV star. I walked around in a state of disbelief knowing that my fellow Americans, my friends, and members of my extended family, had trusted the fate of our democracy and our country to this deranged megalomaniac. My shock and anger culminated a few days later (among other things) in a heated debate on Facebook about gun control with someone from high school that I barely knew. As my blood boiled and my heart rate soared, I thought, what in the hell am I doing fighting with Jimmy Schmittberger on social media?  I have never in my life been this passionate about politics, the only things that would bring me to tears was my love for my children, a family death, or a sappy romance, not a goddamned orange-haired buffoon posing as a change agent. How did I get here? Is it the omnipresent 24-hour cable news networks? The unregulated variety of social media platforms beings exploited by foreign nations?  Or was my Tethered Soul coming up against an uncomfortable wall that I was unwilling to break down?

 

I was a political science major in college, mostly because it was interesting to me and the Professors were among the best at the school. I wrote my thesis on the decline of partisanship since the Nixon administration. I also wrote a campaign plan for Joe Biden in 1988 for a final project in my campaign finance class. I worked for CBS News in New York doing election coverage when Dan Rather was the anchor. I used to enjoy politics: the philosophy, the history, the debate. My parents and grandparents and many close relatives were Republicans (some still are). There have been some elections where I have voted republican, others democratic, and sometimes not at all (Sorry Mrs. Garrett). In the past, even if my guy or girl didn’t win, I didn’t worry about the entire state of my country, and our place in the world. I trusted that the elected candidate would do his job and protect us, keep us together, and make laws that benefit those that need them. I slept well at night knowing that the person in charge -who was making decisions for over 300 million people - was educated, honest, thoughtful, deliberate, fair, and filled his cabinet with those same types of leaders. My US History teacher, Mrs. Garrett, never prepared us for the likes of a person who didn’t take the time to understand the constitution while holding the highest office in the land. She would have agreed with RBG, I think, that the incumbent is a faker of the highest degree. I can almost hear her saying it in her raspy admonishing voice, the same one she used to shame us when we didn’t know the historical details of the lesson that day. Her head would have exploded at the thought of a Kanye write-in option. Through all of the years before 2016, I was never an activist or marched in a protest; I never lost much sleep over politics because I had trust in the system. In my wildest dreams, I did not foresee my presidential options being a narcissistic sociopath, a bi-polar rapper, or a 78-year-old man that may experience dementia before the end of his term. 

 

While I am not ashamed to say that I am grateful that Biden won, I am not gloating. The only thing I think we can safely agree on is that our country is completely divided. Friends, family, even my book club -which is comprised of 11 upper middle class, highly educated white women who have been friends for over 10 years - cannot have a civilized conversation about the issues facing our nation. Issues that, in my mind at least, are not about Republican or Democrat, conservative or liberal. Notably - human rights, equality, saving the planet, affordable healthcare and higher education that is accessible to all citizens. 

 

I don’t believe that the two-party system is cutting it anymore. Republicans used to stand for smaller government, lower deficits, less spending, and represented upper crust society. The Democrats used to be champions for the poor and underprivileged, they could count on support from union workers and the middle class. Now Republicans are currying favor with blue collar workers, and Democrats are seen as snooty intellectual elites. I’m confused about who stands for what, and why individuals support the parties that they do. Many of us are being forced into a party that doesn’t wholeheartedly reflect our beliefs. 

 

On one side we have the Progressives – the dictionary defines progressive as:

modern, liberal, advanced, forward-looking, forward-thinking, go ahead, enlightened, enterprising, innovative, up-and-coming, new, dynamic, avant-garde, modernistic, disruptive; radical, left-wing, reforming, reformist, revolutionary, revisionist, progressivist.

 

And on the other, we have Conservatives – defined as follows:

traditional, conventional, orthodox, stable, old-fashioned, dyed-in-the-wool, unchanging, hidebound; cautious, prudent, careful, safe, timid, unadventurous, unenterprising, set in one's ways; moderate, middle-of-the-road, temperate;

 

Neither of these words are bad and Ideally, we would like someone with a mixture of these qualities to be running our country, as I think many of us possess a balance of these traits. Wouldn’t it be great if our leader was stable and cautious but also enlightened and enterprising? Might he or she be careful yet innovative in how they look to reform things? For example, instead of repealing the Affordable Care Act and introducing a completely different plan with some other politician’s name on it, or taking years to challenge its legality, why can’t we use it as starting point and fix what is wrong to make it better? 

 

I am straight, I don’t own a gun, I am white, I was born in the USA, I have never been arrested, I haven’t had COVID and don’t personally know anyone who has died from it. That doesn’t mean that I can pretend these problems don’t exist or try to suppress my empathy for those that are struggling as a result of their skin color, sexual orientation, ailing health, or socioeconomic status. If I were strictly voting in my own self-interest, with an emphasis on fiscal concerns, I should have voted for Trump. Because I am inextricably linked to others, I must think of them as well. I view the world through the lens of my own experiences, but I also use a wide-angle lens that captures what other humans are going through before I cast my ballot. Even if our pocketbooks are fat, our inheritance tax is low, and stocks are flying, at the end of the day, if human beings in our country are suffering and not being treated or paid equally, then we all will suffer. If our planet is slowly dying, we will all die. We will end up paying for the accumulated distress, whether it be with our wallet, our freedoms, or something greater. 

 

I call on President Elect Biden, Vice President Harris, and all the members of our congress and senate at state and federal levels to work together and be creative with bi-partisan solutions to human problems. I hope that large and small corporations, and their investors, can look less at short term gains and think more strategically about long term intentions and consequences to our population and our planet. And for all of us to play our part within our own localities to reach across the divide with empathy, tolerance, and a common goal of making America the best country it can be for everyone.

 

 

 

 

 

Journaling my Roller Coaster Emotions during the Corona Virus

  

2 weeks ago (4 weeks into staying home)

The feelings I experience the most are fear/anxiety but mainly gratitude. I’m not sure if my life has slowed down so I am more aware of the goodness around me, or I’m more conscious of the struggles facing everyone but almost every day I feel some heart-stopping pang of overwhelming gratitude. I am thankful that we are together as a family and healthy, we have plenty of food to eat, work to do, access to a healthcare system that is so far not overwhelmed, classes to take, hobbies to fulfill, and a beautiful mountain to explore in a variety of ways. When I think back to before COVID, I of course miss parts of my life, like the ability to travel and see friends, family, experience new places, get a pedicure or a facial, eat at a restaurant, hug my friends, plan a get together, to name a few. If I can forget the storm churning outside of my bubble, I am content, not rushed, present in the moment and the love that surrounds me. The quiet has allowed me to take it all in. The lack of expectation - that regardless of how much I try or don’t try, I am still here in this moment. I might be wearing sweatpants and making an unremarkable meal. Perhaps I didn’t get to cross anything off of my quarantine to-do list. There is no place to go but the present, and no one else to be with other than my immediate family. As one of my friends recently posted on FB, we are all in the same storm, but we are not in the same boat. I feel incredibly fortunate to be in a bit more solid vessel during this storm (the recession in 2008? Not so much).

One week ago (5 weeks into staying home)

Without all of the commotion of life swirling around, we are able to not only stop and smell the roses, but maybe also paint the roses, fertilize the roses, and write a poem about how beautiful the roses are. Time is the greatest asset, each moment is unique and we can’t get it back, making it invaluable. So what are we doing with this unexpected gift of seemingly endless amounts of time (albeit with a huge cost to society)? 

Some are using it to work on projects that have been sitting forever in need of attention (cleaning the garage, the closet, organizing photos, etc) Some are using it to fret and worry about what the future brings, some are creating memes or dying their hair pink, a lot are baking bread (which seems weird given the obsession with gluten-free over the last several years) some are wondering why the hell we are in this situation and looking to assign blame, and a few brilliant minds are trying to figure out a plan to get us back on track. Yet others are struggling, crying, and experiencing great anxiety. And at the worst, many are mourning the death of a loved one.

I feel completely blessed to live in a house full of food and to have this uninterrupted forced family time together. Our lives have been non-stop movement, planning, schoolwork, organized sports, and trips to support those sports since the kids were 10 years old. Never have we taken a week to stay at home and do nothing. And it is not awful! Obviously, some days are better than others, but I’m pleased with our ability to cohabitate day in and day out with minimal conflict. We have more or less accepted our mission to stay home and flatten the curve. We eat dinner together most nights, we work on a puzzle, watch a movie, do yard work, we exercise together – inside our makeshift gym in the tv room, and outside as much as possible. We bake, snuggle with the dogs, learn new important skills like poker, guitar, and meditation, while honing discarded skills like painting and writing. We are hiking, skinning/touring, biking, skateboarding, playing frisbee, sledding, and whatever else we can think of that allows us to be outdoors and 6 ft from our friends.

Things I have enjoyed over the past few weeks: the welcome warmth of a spring afternoon, walking into the living room to see the kids studying and listening to classical jazz, the comforting feeling of my dog’s head resting on my feet, dropping flowers on my friend’s doorstep to brighten her day, getting together with friends at the end of the driveway for BYOB social distancing cocktail hour, trading recipes with friends, family and strangers, following good news networks, seeing families walking together on the rail trail, laughing when my friend chose the oval office background for her zoom session, dressed in a coat and tie.

As much as I am filled with fear about the future of our world, I am also filled with gratitude for my family, my home, my dogs, my friends, the mountains, the sunrise and the sunset. 

Today (NEARLY 6 WEEKS HOME)

The feelings that overwhelm me today are … 

WHY CAN’T YOU DO YOUR OWN FRICKIN’ DISHES? 

HOW CAN YOU BE HUNGRY AGAIN? 

WHO ATE ALL OF THE TORTILLA CHIPS? 
WHY ISN'T RECREATIONAL MARIJUANA LEGAL IN OUR STATE?

WHEN DID MY HAIR GO GRAY? 

DID I ACTUALLY USED TO WEAR ALL OF THESE CLOTHES? 

WHY CAN’T I STOP EATING? 

DID I REALLY FIT INTO THOSE JEANS 4 WEEKS AGO? 
I HAVE EATEN A TRUCK LOAD OF CHOCOALTE. AND THAT WAS BEFORE EASTER.

HOW HAVE I LIVED WITH THIS PERSON FOR 27 YEARS?

WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT HANDLE OF VODKA I BOUGHT 3 DAYS AGO?

In the beginning, when we would meet for our social distancing hikes, we would talk about how the kids were handling being out of school, how many times a day we could walk our dogs, how this was impacting work, our fear and anxiety over germs, cancelling travel plans, coming to terms with an extremely delayed graduation ceremony, if they have one at all, and how long it would take to kill one of our spouses and bury them in the yard.

6 weeks later, and since none of us are traveling, or entertaining, or going to shows, or eating at restaurants, or trying out a new gym class, our conversations have run dry. All we can talk about are the latest news articles, the confusing lack of clarity on anything, and the insomnia inducing anxiety about not having a competent leader to guide us through one of the toughest times we will face as a country. But it will be ok because we are in this together! Separately, at a safe distance, but not really because some of us are on our motorized yachts, and others don’t even have a dingy with an oar. 

We are over it, sick of cooking, sick of uncertainty, sick of loading/unloading the dishwasher, and really sick of reading about nothing but this damned virus and the havoc it is wreaking on the world. We are sick of the grocery store being our only outing, and how weird it is to feel like we are amongst a group of unwitting bank robbers as we navigate the produce department while maintaining a corona friendly distance of 2 yards (we are even sick of 6 feet!) 

At least during WWII, women could work in the factories or knit socks or something. Unless you have medical training, had the virus or somehow got a magical test that proves you have the antibody, you are stuck feeling helpless. The only thing you can do is stay at home, and it is not much to ask, it really isn’t. We’ve been doing it, but for a virus that should take 2 weeks to knock down, it will have been closer to 8 weeks of halted activity because of our uncoordinated, reactive steps taken so far. I whine and complain to my safe group of confidantes, and we remind each other that we need to be patient for a little while longer, the curve is flattening, and we are making progress. Hang on, have faith, and don’t lose hope.  

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

I’ve been trying to think of ways to entertain you during these bleak times, but I have to say, it is rough. Not a lot of good news, and certainly nothing to poke fun at, though there are some creative people out there who are making witty videos and memes, but that is not my medium. So while we are doing what we are supposed to be doing, which is staying inside and away from others, I’m going to put on my thinking cap filled with levity and hope I can come up with something, but I make no guarantees…

The Good

·      I am grateful that for now at least, our close family and friends are healthy.

·      The most obvious change in our lives as a result of the virus is SNAP! just like that, we are no longer empty nesters. The kids are home in all of their constantly eating, laundry making, techno music playing glory. I am grateful to have them home for many reasons, but mostly because I would be worried if they were not with us, and second they have brought energy and knowledge to our home. Mac has given me a refresher on macroeconomics and the roles of the Federal Reserve and the Treasury department, so that was embarrassing. And he also has a lot of interesting knowledge about bats after having spent time in China and southeast Asia in 2018 (before you go blaming the bats and the Chinese for our predicament, read this article   https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/02/200210144854.htm.  

·      Mandatory family cocktail hour, and post dinner dance parties (Shaye has some great new moves!) are also really fun and allow everyone to let off steam during quarantine. Although, I was reminded that alcohol can suppress the immune system and we shouldn’t drink too much.  But the quarantini ,which is comprised of orange juice (vitamin C), vodka (kills germs), and a rim covered in emergenC crystals, can’t be all bad? 

·      I am pretty proud that I embarked on a new hair color routine a couple of months back, called “Shadow Roots” which would allow me to only frequent the hair colorist every 7-8 weeks instead of 5-6. My forethought has really paid off in this area. I even consider myself a bit of a trend setter now that everyone is going to be sporting this new and exciting look. Whatever you are doing, you just have to do it with confidence, but it really doesn’t matter because no one is going to see you for the next 3-4 weeks anyway.  This is a good time to grow out your eyebrows, give your nails a rest from polish, get a face lift or practice some DIY face care.  Like using these New and Improved Frownies!

·      The big winners in this adverse situation appear to be the family pets.  Everyone is home and giving them unprecedented amounts of attention. They get long walks every day. They are truly emotional caregivers in every sense of the word. Someone is hugging, petting, or snuggling with a dog almost every minute of the day.  

·      Virtual book club using Blue Jeans was the highlight of my week. There was good energy, lots of laughs, and another reason to have a cocktail. Although we need to work at our video conference etiquette. Perhaps giving each person a certain amount of time to speak while all others MUTE.  We are new to this, and muting is not a strong suit for any of us, but I’m sure we will be better next week when we discuss our TED TALK.

·      Hiking outside with my friends while maintaining a social distance of 6 ft has also been life- saving.  Hiking with friends is my therapy, my DOG exercise, MY exercise, my religion. If I did not have that, I would be a mess. I feel very sorry for the people in large urban areas that don’t have this release. I can’t imagine how they are coping. I saw a beautiful large herd of elk running through Round Valley last week and it reminded me that many of us crave our herd. We need others and being kept apart is the hardest part of this whole thing.

·      I love movies and this gives me a guilt free reason to stay inside and watch them. Every night.  Here is my list of favorites that I’ve seen recently: Marriage Story, Jo Jo Rabbit, It’s a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, BookSmart, Late Night, The Report, Biggest Little Farm. Series: The Morning Show (Apple TV), The Outsider, The Good Place, Peaky Blinders (Netflix).

·      I love to read.  Here is my list of the best books I recommend: Daisy Jones and The Six, Dear Edward, America’s First Daughter, The Untethered Soul, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, (Guilty pleasure: Demi Moore Inside Out), The Power, The Silent Patient, Circe, Bad Blood.

·      Creative pursuits. To date, I have not done one damn creative thing. I’ve been trying to get everyone organized, get enough food, cancel travel plans, etc. and have not had the time or mood to be creative.  Not to mention that one kid or another is in my office taking an online class or doing a call, so my space is no longer my own.  As soon as their bathroom remodels are complete (yes I had amazing timing on this one, the kids arrived home just after I had completely demo-ed their bathrooms) I hope we can all spend time in our assigned spaces and I can have my office back as a place of reprieve and reflection (aka hiding from my family and being depressed).

·      Emptying out the freezer and pantry.  In an effort to minimize my time in public places, I’m trying to grocery shop less which means eating food out of the pantry and the freezer. Feels good to be getting rid of some of that inventory on a FIFO basis.  On the downside, I now feel like maybe I should have stockpiled a few more things in case these viruses become something we encounter more regularly.

The Bad

·      Because I am back to full-time stay at home mom status (stay at home now being literal instead of figurative), my routine is interrupted, and I feel like the maid and cook again. After this first week of everyone settling in, I plan to delegate the chores and the cooking as well as support our local restaurants by ordering takeout. 

·      After washing, washing, washing my hands they look like a worn-out sponge that needs to be discarded.  No amount of moisturizer is going to bring these babies back, but I have found one product that does make a bit of a difference  CND Almond Moisture Scrub.  And in case you think I’m trying to be some sort of influencer, no one pays me to do anything in my life and this is no exception. I’m not proud of this, it is just a regrettable fact.

·      Being grounded.  I was only ever grounded once in my life as a teenager so I’m not familiar with this feeling. Being grounded makes me sad. I guess that is the point because it was offered as a punishment for bad behavior. But now we are grounded out of preservation for ourselves and others. This requires a shift in thinking that most Americans cannot or will not absorb. We don’t like it when our freedoms are taken away, especially when we’ve done nothing wrong. So instead of calling it social distancing, suppression, or being grounded we should adopt something more euphemistic like NOT DYING or NOT LETTING YOUR NEIGHBORS DIE. Maybe that would make people understand and embrace this new reality. As Governor Cuomo said, words make a difference. Governor Cuomo is my new chosen leader because he is intelligent, he listens to the experts, he doesn’t lie, he is compassionate and human.

·      I eat chocolate and ice cream every day.  Why the fuck not? But one of the things I miss the most is the routine of my group fitness classes and gym workouts. I have been consistently working out for 32 years (yes there is a direct correlation to when I started dating Blake) Even though I’m working out at in my pseudo gym inside my bedroom, it is just not the same. Coupled with the fact that I’m eating chocolate and ice cream every day does not bode well for the long term.

·      Watching John Oliver record his show with no audience in front of a white screen with no people laughing other than our family. Anderson Cooper reporting from his home library and not in the studio. When the mainstream media takes a break, you know something is fundamentally wrong. It really brought the apocalyptic feeling of this whole crisis right into my living room.

The Ugly

·      The hoarding that went on. I was out of town when the shit really started going down and so did not have time to get to the grocery store. Because there are only two of us, I just had a regular supply of TP in the house (10 rolls), and only one box of anti-bacterial wipes. I’ve looked everywhere and there is no TP or wipes in UT. Or on Amazon or Walmart or Boxed. I borrowed some from my mother in law until they can restock the shelves, but really people?  Just buy your fair share.  VP Pence assured us that we will always have access to grocery stores and supplies. Don’t you trust our propaganda wielding government leaders? When I run out of ass wiping supplies, I am going to poop on your front lawn and wipe my butt with a leaf from your aspen or blue spruce.  It will be painful and inefficient, but I will do it. 

·      I feel like at some point the news people are going to start to look like they did in that Batman movie when the Joker puts chemicals in all of the makeup. They won’t have hairdressers or make-up artists so they will all look normal like the rest of us: wrinkly with large pores, blemishes and frizzy hair. But then Batman will come and save us and all will be well. Although he is probably carrying the virus so don’t get within 6 feet of him, as you now know from reading the above referenced article, bats have a crazy immune system and can live for decades with 300-400 viruses in their system. 

·      Here are the stocks I would buy if I was an unethical senator with insider information: any teleconferencing software company like zoom or blue jeans; weight watchers, P&G, Petco/Chewy, Peloton.   

The Foreboding

Sitting around reading too many articles has resulted in my feeling more philosophical. This is the first time some generations have had to live with scarcity and suppression. But this is just a small harbinger of what the world is going to look like when the planet implodes. This is eerily parallel to what is going on this very minute beneath our feet, in our skies and oceans that we have been ignoring for 50 years. The curve may not be as drastic, but it is going to happen.  We can all make small changes now (like we should have been doing 2 months ago for COVID19) or we are going to have to give up big things. The result of having everyone stay at home, not traveling and consuming is having a positive effect on our planet, (and hopefully flattening the virus curve) but a catastrophic effect on our economy. This is not where we want things to go in the future.  It is a drastic measure.

We must collectively acknowledge that the scientists are right (as they are about COVID19) and do what we can to quell damage to the climate today by being prepared and adopting innovative technologies. There are incredibly smart, industrious people all over the world who are developing alternative ways of doing things that don’t hurt the environment. When we are all wearing facemasks and experiencing respiratory problems because of pollution, we will look back on this time as the great foreshadowing. The world is giving us a wake-up call.  We know we can come together and do the right thing when we are forced to, but let’s not let it get to that point.  So when this is over, and it will be over if we can all stay still for a while, this is our next priority.

Stay inside as much as you can, get some fresh air using the 6 ft rule, wash your hands, stay sane, and hug your pets. This too shall pass.

  

Christmas in the New Age

          The kids are gone, the Christmas decorations are put away, the decadent treats are now on my thighs or in the trash; all that is left are dirty sheets and towels, assorted droppings from the offspring, some Metamucil crackers, and a paltry looking refrigerator. Post-holiday blues in the empty nest. Even the puppies walk around in a state of perplexity. Why so quiet? Where are the pets, snuggles, and romp sessions? Where did everybody go?

Just as I was making peace with our childless situation, they all come home again and fill our house with GEN XYZ music, snacks, laundry and laughter. We get used to having them around and fall back into our pre-college era ways. Not to say the holiday season is all bliss and happiness. Not in the least. We are now a mix of part-time parents who act like full time parents, teens that think they are adults but still act like teens, and young adults who think they know more than their parents. Trying to navigate these ill-defined roles is challenging. We are still parents who worry about their whereabouts, health, and future. We still feel the need to give them advice on any and everything it seems. They are adults, who spend more time living without us than with us; they are still dependent on us financially but make their own sometimes good/sometimes questionable choices. They are getting an education, so they feel pretty smart, but they are far from wise. 

The first few hours are great, we get hugs, updates on school, sports, and friends. Inevitably one of us does something annoying, and the eyes start rolling and they re-engage with their handheld devices (attached to their appendage like a rabid alien sucking the life out of them). The giddiness of being home wears off quickly and we all struggle to adapt to our new positions. After operating in our respective Id like existences, we have to hit the reset button and figure out how to function as a family again. Having been free of my maidly duties for several months I start to feel unfairly burdened by the expectations of meals and clean clothes. I want to be that mom that cooks and takes care of everything but find myself disgruntled. My husband immediately gets back into “Dad” mode and finds teachable moments at every turn, which is not met with much enthusiasm. I should say “humor your dad by listening to his advice and please put your dishes in the dishwasher to help your mother.” They are only home for a short time, and I don’t want to start nagging at them so soon. Consequently, mutual resentment mounts resulting in palpable levels of silent but deadly anxiety. 

I have been made aware by well-meaning friends that my expectations for Christmas are over the top. I imagine a hallmark movie where we make cookies, decorate the tree, go sledding and ice skating together, listen to Christmas carols and do snowman puzzles while drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows. We did do some of these things and if you follow my Instagram account, you probably think I might actually live in a Hallmark movie – being in a snow filled resort town and all. What I didn’t include in my posts was the complaining, arguments, Netflix binging, and overall laziness that took place most days.These things don’t happen in the world of Hallmark.

“Can’t I grow out of some of these traditions?” my son asks as he decorates an anatomically correct gingerbread man accessorized with blue balls. 

His idea of Christmas music is now a thumping piece of techno “music” called Red Light Green Light by Duke Dumont (kind of catchy, but definitely no Sleigh Ride or White Christmas). My daughter shows interest in the holiday festivities, but I know some of it is just for me. Lurking in the back of my mind is the reality that this is probably the last Christmas where we will have 2 full weeks to spend together. Next year my son will hopefully be fully employed and probably not inclined to spend his entire allotted vacation time with his family over the holidays. I’m reluctant to let go of our precious time together as a foursome even if the conditions are not perfect. 

We live in the age where instead of waiting for Christmas to get things we need/want, we buy them when we need/want them. Gift giving during the holidays is anti-climactic at best and at worst involves a lot of returns. Even though we toned it down a lot this year, the boxes and waste fill our truck bed as we head to recycling. I’m thinking of getting rid of the gifts all together in 2020. The years when you spent $100 at Toys R Us to watch them exclaim in delight and play for hours are long gone (along with Toys R Us!). I find myself appreciating the quiet moments sitting around the tree or walks with the dogs at dusk when all of the Christmas lights begin to twinkle around town. 

By the end of the break, we reestablish or redefine our familial jobs. I decide to stop cooking and cleaning. Mac picks on Shaye and Shaye picks on Mac, we all cuddle the dogs at every opportunity, and Blake realizes that perhaps the kids have to actually make mistakes to learn a lesson instead of being instructed on what to do (like driving out of the garage without adjusting the position of the mirrors so they don’t hit the side of the garage and snap off). Before my son returns to school he says, “I’m trying to picture what you and Dad do here by yourselves, I think of it as something out of zombie movie where you stalk around aimlessly and grunt at each other and race to the door when the doorbell rings to eat your next victim.” He punctuates this remark by doing his best zombie impression in the living room. This made me laugh out loud as it is nowhere near the truth. I will admit that our wardrobe choices when home by ourselves are not vogue worthy, and we do occasionally grunt at each other, but mostly we are content. They cannot envision a life for us without them in it and for a while, I couldn’t either. We will probably have a few more years of trying to figure out the ever-fluctuating landscape of having grown children, but at least we will be well equipped for the zombie apocalypse.