I’ve been trying to think of ways to entertain you during these bleak times, but I have to say, it is rough. Not a lot of good news, and certainly nothing to poke fun at, though there are some creative people out there who are making witty videos and memes, but that is not my medium. So while we are doing what we are supposed to be doing, which is staying inside and away from others, I’m going to put on my thinking cap filled with levity and hope I can come up with something, but I make no guarantees…
The Good
· I am grateful that for now at least, our close family and friends are healthy.
· The most obvious change in our lives as a result of the virus is SNAP! just like that, we are no longer empty nesters. The kids are home in all of their constantly eating, laundry making, techno music playing glory. I am grateful to have them home for many reasons, but mostly because I would be worried if they were not with us, and second they have brought energy and knowledge to our home. Mac has given me a refresher on macroeconomics and the roles of the Federal Reserve and the Treasury department, so that was embarrassing. And he also has a lot of interesting knowledge about bats after having spent time in China and southeast Asia in 2018 (before you go blaming the bats and the Chinese for our predicament, read this article https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/02/200210144854.htm.
· Mandatory family cocktail hour, and post dinner dance parties (Shaye has some great new moves!) are also really fun and allow everyone to let off steam during quarantine. Although, I was reminded that alcohol can suppress the immune system and we shouldn’t drink too much. But the quarantini ,which is comprised of orange juice (vitamin C), vodka (kills germs), and a rim covered in emergenC crystals, can’t be all bad?
· I am pretty proud that I embarked on a new hair color routine a couple of months back, called “Shadow Roots” which would allow me to only frequent the hair colorist every 7-8 weeks instead of 5-6. My forethought has really paid off in this area. I even consider myself a bit of a trend setter now that everyone is going to be sporting this new and exciting look. Whatever you are doing, you just have to do it with confidence, but it really doesn’t matter because no one is going to see you for the next 3-4 weeks anyway. This is a good time to grow out your eyebrows, give your nails a rest from polish, get a face lift or practice some DIY face care. Like using these New and Improved Frownies!
· The big winners in this adverse situation appear to be the family pets. Everyone is home and giving them unprecedented amounts of attention. They get long walks every day. They are truly emotional caregivers in every sense of the word. Someone is hugging, petting, or snuggling with a dog almost every minute of the day.
· Virtual book club using Blue Jeans was the highlight of my week. There was good energy, lots of laughs, and another reason to have a cocktail. Although we need to work at our video conference etiquette. Perhaps giving each person a certain amount of time to speak while all others MUTE. We are new to this, and muting is not a strong suit for any of us, but I’m sure we will be better next week when we discuss our TED TALK.
· Hiking outside with my friends while maintaining a social distance of 6 ft has also been life- saving. Hiking with friends is my therapy, my DOG exercise, MY exercise, my religion. If I did not have that, I would be a mess. I feel very sorry for the people in large urban areas that don’t have this release. I can’t imagine how they are coping. I saw a beautiful large herd of elk running through Round Valley last week and it reminded me that many of us crave our herd. We need others and being kept apart is the hardest part of this whole thing.
· I love movies and this gives me a guilt free reason to stay inside and watch them. Every night. Here is my list of favorites that I’ve seen recently: Marriage Story, Jo Jo Rabbit, It’s a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, BookSmart, Late Night, The Report, Biggest Little Farm. Series: The Morning Show (Apple TV), The Outsider, The Good Place, Peaky Blinders (Netflix).
· I love to read. Here is my list of the best books I recommend: Daisy Jones and The Six, Dear Edward, America’s First Daughter, The Untethered Soul, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, (Guilty pleasure: Demi Moore Inside Out), The Power, The Silent Patient, Circe, Bad Blood.
· Creative pursuits. To date, I have not done one damn creative thing. I’ve been trying to get everyone organized, get enough food, cancel travel plans, etc. and have not had the time or mood to be creative. Not to mention that one kid or another is in my office taking an online class or doing a call, so my space is no longer my own. As soon as their bathroom remodels are complete (yes I had amazing timing on this one, the kids arrived home just after I had completely demo-ed their bathrooms) I hope we can all spend time in our assigned spaces and I can have my office back as a place of reprieve and reflection (aka hiding from my family and being depressed).
· Emptying out the freezer and pantry. In an effort to minimize my time in public places, I’m trying to grocery shop less which means eating food out of the pantry and the freezer. Feels good to be getting rid of some of that inventory on a FIFO basis. On the downside, I now feel like maybe I should have stockpiled a few more things in case these viruses become something we encounter more regularly.
The Bad
· Because I am back to full-time stay at home mom status (stay at home now being literal instead of figurative), my routine is interrupted, and I feel like the maid and cook again. After this first week of everyone settling in, I plan to delegate the chores and the cooking as well as support our local restaurants by ordering takeout.
· After washing, washing, washing my hands they look like a worn-out sponge that needs to be discarded. No amount of moisturizer is going to bring these babies back, but I have found one product that does make a bit of a difference CND Almond Moisture Scrub. And in case you think I’m trying to be some sort of influencer, no one pays me to do anything in my life and this is no exception. I’m not proud of this, it is just a regrettable fact.
· Being grounded. I was only ever grounded once in my life as a teenager so I’m not familiar with this feeling. Being grounded makes me sad. I guess that is the point because it was offered as a punishment for bad behavior. But now we are grounded out of preservation for ourselves and others. This requires a shift in thinking that most Americans cannot or will not absorb. We don’t like it when our freedoms are taken away, especially when we’ve done nothing wrong. So instead of calling it social distancing, suppression, or being grounded we should adopt something more euphemistic like NOT DYING or NOT LETTING YOUR NEIGHBORS DIE. Maybe that would make people understand and embrace this new reality. As Governor Cuomo said, words make a difference. Governor Cuomo is my new chosen leader because he is intelligent, he listens to the experts, he doesn’t lie, he is compassionate and human.
· I eat chocolate and ice cream every day. Why the fuck not? But one of the things I miss the most is the routine of my group fitness classes and gym workouts. I have been consistently working out for 32 years (yes there is a direct correlation to when I started dating Blake) Even though I’m working out at in my pseudo gym inside my bedroom, it is just not the same. Coupled with the fact that I’m eating chocolate and ice cream every day does not bode well for the long term.
· Watching John Oliver record his show with no audience in front of a white screen with no people laughing other than our family. Anderson Cooper reporting from his home library and not in the studio. When the mainstream media takes a break, you know something is fundamentally wrong. It really brought the apocalyptic feeling of this whole crisis right into my living room.
The Ugly
· The hoarding that went on. I was out of town when the shit really started going down and so did not have time to get to the grocery store. Because there are only two of us, I just had a regular supply of TP in the house (10 rolls), and only one box of anti-bacterial wipes. I’ve looked everywhere and there is no TP or wipes in UT. Or on Amazon or Walmart or Boxed. I borrowed some from my mother in law until they can restock the shelves, but really people? Just buy your fair share. VP Pence assured us that we will always have access to grocery stores and supplies. Don’t you trust our propaganda wielding government leaders? When I run out of ass wiping supplies, I am going to poop on your front lawn and wipe my butt with a leaf from your aspen or blue spruce. It will be painful and inefficient, but I will do it.
· I feel like at some point the news people are going to start to look like they did in that Batman movie when the Joker puts chemicals in all of the makeup. They won’t have hairdressers or make-up artists so they will all look normal like the rest of us: wrinkly with large pores, blemishes and frizzy hair. But then Batman will come and save us and all will be well. Although he is probably carrying the virus so don’t get within 6 feet of him, as you now know from reading the above referenced article, bats have a crazy immune system and can live for decades with 300-400 viruses in their system.
· Here are the stocks I would buy if I was an unethical senator with insider information: any teleconferencing software company like zoom or blue jeans; weight watchers, P&G, Petco/Chewy, Peloton.
The Foreboding
Sitting around reading too many articles has resulted in my feeling more philosophical. This is the first time some generations have had to live with scarcity and suppression. But this is just a small harbinger of what the world is going to look like when the planet implodes. This is eerily parallel to what is going on this very minute beneath our feet, in our skies and oceans that we have been ignoring for 50 years. The curve may not be as drastic, but it is going to happen. We can all make small changes now (like we should have been doing 2 months ago for COVID19) or we are going to have to give up big things. The result of having everyone stay at home, not traveling and consuming is having a positive effect on our planet, (and hopefully flattening the virus curve) but a catastrophic effect on our economy. This is not where we want things to go in the future. It is a drastic measure.
We must collectively acknowledge that the scientists are right (as they are about COVID19) and do what we can to quell damage to the climate today by being prepared and adopting innovative technologies. There are incredibly smart, industrious people all over the world who are developing alternative ways of doing things that don’t hurt the environment. When we are all wearing facemasks and experiencing respiratory problems because of pollution, we will look back on this time as the great foreshadowing. The world is giving us a wake-up call. We know we can come together and do the right thing when we are forced to, but let’s not let it get to that point. So when this is over, and it will be over if we can all stay still for a while, this is our next priority.
Stay inside as much as you can, get some fresh air using the 6 ft rule, wash your hands, stay sane, and hug your pets. This too shall pass.
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