Fall Frenzy

 I forget about the frenzy of fall. 

After the savory pace of summer,

Fall can be a real bummer.

First:  Back to School Necessities

Child A has white days and red days; he needs a gargantuan backpack, a binder for each day as well as separate folders for each subject matter.   Grim PE uniform is also essential.  Assorted pens, paper and pencils complete the package.  Since he is a boy, he doesn’t fall prey to some of the more trivial school supplies. 

Child B has white days and blue days and requires similar items for her studies.  In addition, she feels entitled to all of the cute items  (character themed thumb drives, tie-dyed book socks, locker decorations, computer sleeves, etc.) that Staples is hoping you are tired and rushed enough to buy.  Which I am. 

Second: Back to School Clothing

Both Child A and B would appear to have enough attire to clothe a Chinese province, but upon closer inspection – “Nothing FITS!”.  Both children are then instructed to wade through their closets and create complex categories such as “fits” and “doesn’t fit.”  The end result being, they probably get new clothes!! In their minds, this does not warrant an exclamation point.   If someone asked me to clean out my closet so I could get new clothes, I would perform like the Tasmanian devil.  But for my children, it was as though I asked them to pull out their own teeth.  With pliers.

Third:  Back to School Homework and Sports Schedule

My lazy summer evenings comprised of BBQing some sort of animal product and throwing together a pasta salad, eaten out on the patio and washed down with a vodka drink will be replaced by:

• Retrieve Child A from middle school bus stop, bring child home, fix snack, adopt proper tyrannical tone to maximize home work completion
• Extract Child B from Junior High, repeat snacking and homework steps above
• Deliver Child A to sporting activity 1 on Field X
• With record speed, peruse Whole Foods for healthy dinner material, check out and deposit in home refrigerator
• Deliver Child B to sporting activity 2 on Field Y
• Attend informational meeting about Sporting Activity 3 (children A&B) and hope that carpool delivers Child A safely home from practice.
• Pick up Child B and 2 friends – take them to their respective places of residence
• Return to abode to assemble dinner
• Resume duties as homework director (rack brain for algebra II and biology terms)
• Sign at least 9 documents per child
• Remember that you forgot to attend Child A’s back to school night, curse and pay Child A and B  $.50 each
• Wish you had a vodka drink
• Make nutritional lunches for tomorrow, clean up kitchen, get children to bed, give husband best I’mexhaustedareyoukiddingmeyoureallywanttohavesex? look and initiate middle aged beauty routine. 

Repeat for the next 9 months, and then for twelve years.  Hope you can afford college and a recession doesn’t result in a 'failure to launch' scenario.