My Dream Day

I was reading Self Magazine and noticed they use the “Typical vs. Dream Day” format to interview celebrities sometimes.  I thought I would try it with my own life.

6:32 am Rise and Shine

My Typical Day:  After a solid 7 hours of sleep (minus the two hours of insomnia I suffered from 3-5 a.m. where I fretted about things outside of my control ), I wake to NPR droning on about the most recent primary election mishap. I move with the dexterity of a 75 year old arthritic woman to the bathroom where I discard my night clothes that are drenched in pre-menopausal sweat. I brush my teeth and make my way to my son’s room to wake him for the day.  He is less than responsive.

My Dream Day:  I wake up and incredibly, I am 28 years old again.  I live in Manhattan and Josh Radnor is my boyfriend.  He brings me French roast coffee in bed with heaps of cream and sugar and makes me scrambled eggs.  I can’t believe how cute he is.

6:45 a.m. Keep Going

My Typical Day: I return to my son’s room.  He is still in a deep slumber.  With great patience and envy I ask him nicely to exit his place of rest.  I proceed downstairs, where the dog is EXTREMELY happy to see me.  I let her out.  I let her in. She is happy to see me all over again.  I put on the kettle for tea and make lunches.

My Dream Day: I would look at my 28 year old self in the mirror and appreciate all of the collagen in my skin, full eyelashes, and soft – yet to be damaged hair. 

6:55 a.m. Get out the door

My Typical Day: I yell upstairs like a banshee “GET UP NOW or we will be late!”  I pack his backpack, and make his breakfast to-go. I meet him by the back door and watch in disbelief as it takes him a full 2 minutes to put his shoes on.  We drive to school in silence while he eats his homemade egg mcmuffin.

My Dream Day: Josh and I decide to attend a kickboxing class at Equinox.  We look and feel so great when we are done that we head back to our apartment for some hot morning sex in the shower.   

8 am. Deal with the Unexpected

My Typical Day: I return from taking my son to school and plan to repeat the whole process again with my daughter; however she has a headache and a stomach ache.  She throws up while I hold her hair back.  I remember that I never got my tea.

My Dream Day:  I put my cellulite free body into a trendy NYC outfit.  Josh and I kiss passionately before we depart for our jobs – He to the movie he is directing and me as editor of Travel and Leisure Magazine – for which my primary responsibilities are traveling leisurely and writing about it.

10 am Mid-Morning wake up call

My Typical Day:  After the second round of vomiting, I take a break from my daughter to look for the dog.  My goal is to use the endless canine enthusiasm to improve my daughter’s spirits.  Upon petting the dog, I realize there is something sticky and hard in her hair.  A quick olfactory test substantiates that it is some form of animal shit.   Her cuddle quotient has just dropped into the negatives.  And I will have to find time to bathe her in between my daughter’s barf intervals.

My Dream Day:  I research my next leisurely travel assignment to the Seychelles Islands.   Buy a teeny bikini online for my trip.  

12 pm Time for Lunch

My Typical Day:  Even though I have been a witness to five hours of dry heaving, I still can muster up an appetite.  In fact I’m starving but don’t have the energy to create anything healthy, so I root around in the pantry for a quick carb fix.  Graham crackers, thin mints and I force down an apple to trick myself into thinking I ate nutritiously.  

My Dream Day:   Josh and I meet for lunch in the meatpacking district.  We are whisked away to the finest outdoor table in the New York spring sunshine and we toast our good fortune with a fine Italian Prosecco.  He agrees to accompany me to the Seychelles if I will make a cameo in his film. 

3 pm  Taking Care of Business

Typical Day:  My daughter has finally calmed down and gone to sleep. I contemplate running on the treadmill, but decide against it for a reason I can no longer remember.  I pay bills, fold laundry, check email, make a grocery list, and dick around on Facebook.

My Dream Day:  After wowing my boss with an incredible pitch to research castles in Prague for my next adventure at Travel and Leisure, Josh calls to see if we can meet for a quick afternoon coffee.  He is so witty, adorable, and young we wind up in bed again!  This time at the Plaza Hotel in a suite.  Suddenly Josh throws up on me and it smells like poop!  There are dishes and laundry all over our bed!  What is happening?  OMG! I think my real world has just collided with my pretend world and the results are disastrous.

6 pm Fine Dining

Typical Day:  After picking my son up from skiing, I make 3 different dinners for various family members.  No one is satisfied.  I clean up and do the dishes.  I strongly encourage my son to finish his homework, while giving my daughter ginger ale and saltines.  

My Dream Day: Josh and I have dinner reservations at the newest Italian place, Marea.  We share the seared sea scallops and lobster ravioli.   We finish with a decadent Tiramisu and authentic espresso.  I’m not worried about being up all night with all of this rich food because a) I’m 28 and these things don’t effect me yet and b) I don’t care if I’m up all night as long as I’m with Josh.

8 pm Evening Entertainment

Typical Day:  Get the kids to shower and into their beds.  Check my daughter’s temperature. Wash everything she has come in contact with over the last 12 hours.  Hope that I somehow got the same bug and will lose 2 pounds over the weekend.  

Dream Day:  Josh gets us tickets to Book of Mormon on Broadway.  We laugh hysterically.  Afterwards, over a nightcap at the Mandarin, we joke about how we could never live in Utah.

10:30 pm Bedtime!

Typical Day:  After spending an hour in the bathroom trying to make myself look 28, I get into bed and listen to my husband laugh at a Beverly Hills Housewives rerun.  I insert my ear plugs and roll over.  He spoons me and I fall asleep fantasizing about Josh Radnor.