Truth

Admittedly, I started off the day on the wrong foot – I watched Trump’s press conference on television.   In an effort to give him a fair shake at the presidency I went against all of my better judgment and followed the speech… for about 5 minutes.  I couldn’t take it anymore for a HUGE number of reasons, but when it came right down to it, it was about truth.

He started off by STRONGLY objecting to the false allegations being spread about him with regard to his relationship with Russia and negative information they may or may not have about him.  He reprimanded the media for covering the story and about all of the fake news out there.  And it dawned on me that we have been living in a world where we don’t know what the truth is anymore.  Trump spewed lies like a fire hose throughout the campaign, Hilary probably also lied at some point, but fact checking indicated not as often as Trump or other politicians (see NY Times article from Dec 2015 All Politicans Lie.  Some Lie More than Others)   Fake news stories were ardently spread across social media platforms.   We were left not knowing who to believe, what to think, and most importantly, who to trust.  Trust is the building block of all relationships.  If we don’t have trust, then we are alone.

I proceeded to meet with a variety of sub contractors working on our development project, many of whom have lied to my face and to my GC about the number of workers they would commit to the project, the number of days it would take to complete, and the cost.  Roughly 80% of what comes out of their mouths is misleading, and this too has been going on for over a year.   The meeting ended in a shouting match of blame that was stressful, DISASTROUS, and unsettling.  Shattering more trust.

Finally, I attended an HOA meeting where we own a condo and there is a massive renovation requiring a BIG LEAGUE assessment.  There have been emails circulating for months about misinformation, accusations, and once again – a feeling that we are being lied to and misled.

The theme of my day and perhaps the last 12 months has been one of ENORMOUS mistrust.

When I was growing up, the truth was everything.  Lying was literally the worst thing you could do.  It was better to own up to the empty beer cans in the basement than to lie about it.  It was preferable to lose the use of the car, or be grounded than to lose my parents’ trust.  Having their trust in me meant the world.   Seeing their disappointment when I told a lie was worse than any spanking or punishment I could receive.  I felt badly deep in my soul for having broken that sacred bond.  I had to work hard to earn their trust again, and it was painful.

Telling the truth puts everyone on an even playing field.  We all know where we stand and how to move forward.  When we don’t know the truth because of ambiguity or lack of information, that is unsettling in and of itself.  But when the truth is deliberately kept from us, or we are misled to believe something that is not true, it creates toxicity in our relationship.  I can no longer trust anything you tell me which leads to questions, accusations, and ultimately disillusionment and the end of our relationship.  It makes me question the relationships I have with others, have they all been lying to me?  It makes me feel alone, and afraid.

Trust creates an environment of collaboration.  We are on the same page, even if we are on different teams.  We may disagree about politics, or parenting, but we do so in a setting of safety and stability.  We know where we stand, who we are, what we believe in, and how we move through the world together.  We can agree to disagree and still move forward toward a common goal that transcends our opinions.

This acceptance of lying as a way of life is everywhere.

• First and foremost, it is trickling down from our leaders (from all political parties).  The very people who are supposed to be representing our interests in this great country that our ancestors fought so hard to create and protect, are lying and misleading us to benefit themselves.  They take an oath to represent the people who elected them, and many are only there to serve their own self-interest.  Our leaders cannot work together to make our world a better place for everyone.  They fight amongst themselves, create obstacles, and lie about results.
• Mistrust is being perpetrated by companies like Volkswagen, that have an ethical responsibility to create products that work effectively and meet standards, but who cheated their customers and their environment.  
• “Journalists” that supposedly report the news are not stating facts, but opinions that are communicated as if they are truths. 
• People are posting pictures of themselves on social media that in many cases misrepresent what is actually going on in their lives.
• Athletes are taking drugs that are increasingly hard to detect to win medals and races, and then lying about their doping.

We now live in a society where we are no longer are on common ground.  We constantly worry that the other guy is telling a lie, or taking advantage of us.  We don’t take action because we can’t trust our information.  We don’t work together, because we don’t know what the other person is really thinking or what they might do.  We can’t plan for Friday because we aren’t sure that the critical step that needs to take place on Thursday will get done.  We are stagnating in a cesspool of mistrust and anxiety.

I am a VERY trusting person.  In general, I believe that people are inherently good.  I believe that if someone tells me they are going to get something done by Friday that it will get done, and if they can’t, they will take accountability for why it was not done.  I am the first to admit when I’ve made a mistake.   I trust that people will keep their word when a contract is signed and an agreement is made.  I hope that people have good intentions.   But I am finding it increasingly difficult to live my life based on this set of beliefs because I am proven wrong again and again.  This is not a cynicism arising from nearly 50 years on this planet.  This is a product of recent times, which is TREMENDOUSLY disturbing to me.

I don’t want my children to think that lying and misleading people is OK.  I want them to under promise and over deliver every time.  I want them to be part of a team where their success is tied to that of the kid next to them so they work together to win the game, or create the best science project.    Collaborating in an environment of mutual trust and respect allows us to create something better and bigger than we could ever create alone.  It is only in a world of truth that we can hope to overcome adversity, poverty, sickness, and inequality.