Ok, I know we have hammered the 50 Shades of Grey theme to
death, but I have just a few more things to say on the subject.
We should take note of this chapter in history; we
are going to look back on the mainstream erotica period as something that shows
up in a Freakanomics book in 2020.
Much like the passing of Roe v. Wade and the link between reduced crime
rates 20 years later, or the baby boom after World War II, 50 Shades will
create a mysterious social phenomena. In addition to
the obvious bump in sales of sex toys in 2012, there may well be another baby
boom, or perhaps even a drop in births because women are so happy pleasuring
themselves, they realize that having a man around is rather… superfluous. It is conceivable that the sexual freedom
unleashed by the seemingly harmless lusty novel had something to do with the government
embracing same-sex marriage. The long-term
peripheral effects of this publication are infinite.
There are a plethora of romance/erotic novelists out there
trying to capitalize on the Fifty Shades anomaly. Lately I’ve heard radio advertisements that
go something like this “Long before Fifty Shades of Grey, so in so was writing
erotic books for women.” Maybe there
are a few women who really get off on reading about sex with no plot. However, I believe that the unique
fascination with the Fifty Shades novel stems from the fact that it is simply a
theme borrowed from the grand master of permanent child scarring, Walt
Disney. Fifty Shades is the kinky
Cinderotica story that the middle aged woman has been craving. As much as we don’t want our daughters to
subscribe to the Prince Charming philosophy, its appeal to society throughout
the years has no bounds. We always fall
for it. We loved it when Mr. Darcy was
smitten with homely, dowry-less Elizabeth in Pride and Prejudice (“I
believe I must date it [her love for Darcy] from my first seeing his beautiful
grounds at Pemberley). We rushed to the
theatres to see a prostitute clad Julia Roberts lure Richard Gere into her web
in Pretty Woman; we were taken in again in The Proposal when
Sandra Bullock was a lonely, repressed publisher and Ryan Reynolds – her
dashing younger Canadian Prince Charming.
We even went crazy for vampire Cinderella stories with Edward and Bella
in the Twilight series. The list
goes on and on…. And now we have Cinderella with sex toys.
With an increase in the wealth gap, and the subsequent rise
in potential Cinderella’s representing the 99%, and overly wealthy men that are part of the dreaded 1%, the Cinderella story has regained its allure with the general
population. What happened to the role models I had later in life, the
powerful women of Sex in the City, who dressed in slinky outfits,
blatantly talked about sex in the diner, and were consistently out on the town
having fun with a variety of men? Let me
see, I think Carrie fell victim to the Cinderella ending with Big. The other two got married and became
mommies. In the end, Samantha is our
lone shining example of the powerful woman who isn’t defined by (nor supported by) a man. I guess our odds aren’t that great. Best to stick with the Cinderella plan.
While we are on the Cinderella theme, I wrote this a while
back. Some of you have seen it already….
Overqualified
Cinderella
1. Vacuum
2.
Mop Floor
3.
Fold Laundry
4.
Call appliance repair
5. Prepare noose
Never in all my time in college or grad school or marketing management
did I ever dream that such an auspicious to-do list would appear on my
calendar. Me? Mopping? What happened to that young,
aggressive, skilled employee of yore?
She met prince charming, had kids and moved to Utah where the nearest
high tech marketing job is two states away. Disney doesn’t spend much
time enlightening us about what happened to Cinderella after she gave birth to
two beautiful children and the real estate market crashed, leaving Prince
Charming without his impressive castle and sparkling smile.
In fairy tales, you don’t step back 15 years in pay, or bend over
every time someone makes a low ball offer on a condo. No, these are
horror stories, topics for Stephen King – who always seemed to be more my style
anyway. However, my macabre imagination did not prepare me for such a
change in momentum.
Most fairy tales go from rags to riches for this is what people
want to read about – not the reverse. Riches to rags goes against the
Great American Dream, it’s like reading from right to left, it is awkward and
uncomfortable and makes you think too hard.
So what did happen when the real estate market tanked and along
with it 80% of Prince Charming’s net worth? Charming is quite tenacious
and very loyal to his business endeavors. His gallant upbringing and
years of jousting wouldn’t allow him to admit defeat or give up easily.
However, his sad face and angry voice were growing intolerable.
Cinderella staged an intervention with the help of Charming’s father – who
always had a soft spot for Cinderella.
“You must leave this business behind, go back and pursue the
Medical Device Industry – this is where you will find your fortune again” – we
told him. And so it was that Grandpa and Cinderella managed the flailing
real estate business totally dictated by demanding buyers. After a
lengthy search and many lunch meetings with Charming’s other royal friends, he
was able to find employment in California, where he now spends 70% of his time.
Meanwhile, back at the castle. Who has money for
help? It is a good thing that Cinderella has prior experience in domestic
chores and her upbringing was less than regal. This makes her a suitable
candidate for wielding a mop, thrusting a vacuum, and manipulating mounds of
laundry. It is hard to remember a time when I was master of
the spreadsheet, creator of awesome presentations, writer of product specifications,
and my nickname at work was “rain woman” because I could remember so many
numbers. But alas, I find solace in the following: I am still fairly
astute when it comes to Algebra homework, I can have a basic conversation in
Spanish, and I come up with catchy sentences for vocabulary studies. I
console my daughter with greatest of empathy, and listen to my son’s teenage
angst in its newest forms. Maybe I’m not using my multiple degrees in the
way I envisioned, but at least Prince Charming will be able to present his
well-adapted children proudly at the next ball – whenever that may be.
No comments:
Post a Comment